jesus was a primate

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How to get a massage.


Simple, step by step, instructions on how to get a great professional, therapeutic massage.

1. Schedule a massage with an independent licensed massage therapist… NEVER, EVER go to Massage Envy or the like.

2. Shower before your appointment.. Apply deodorant

3. Show up 5-10 minutes early

4. Clearly state any problem areas, and your desired pressure.

5. Don’t be modest, Get completely naked: no underwear & no jewelry. Trust me, your professional massage therapist does not want to see you naked WAY more than you don’t want them to see you naked.
Clothing is a barrier and states “Don’t touch”.
The largest muscle in the body is the gluteus Maximus (butt muscle) this muscle is the key muscle that keeps your torso in an erect posture. Also the key muscle used to lift the legs for things such as stairs. If you have any low back, mid back, quad, or hamstring pain….. It is necessary to massage the butt muscles for relief.
Wearing boxer shorts, or boxer briefs not only excludes the glutes from being massaged they typically cover over half of the hamstrings & quads… Especially the attachment sites, plus they always ride up and prevent a good massage on the low back.

Necklaces, earrings, watches, & bracelets get in the way and interrupt the flow of the massage.

6. Stay underneath the sheet, the therapist will adjust the sheets/blanket/towel as necessary…. Again your massage therapist does not want to see your naked goods… Leave the covers alone.

7. Communicate with the therapist.
If the pressure is to much, say so.
If the pressure isn’t enough, say so.
If you are cold or hot, let your therapist know.

8. Don’t try to help by lifting your legs, arms or head. Massage Therapist have certain techniques to adjust the draping of sheets, when you lift your leg it ALWAYS catches the sheet and once again, your therapist does NOT want to accidentally see anything under the sheet.
Your therapist also has techniques that require the weight of your head, if you lift your head to help, it is actually making it more difficult on the massage therapist and your massage will be less enjoyable…. Simply RELAX

9. Your massage therapist will always ask how you feel after your session.
In the history of massage, no one has ever felt “fine” or “ok” after a massage.
Proper terms would be “fantastic,” “relaxed,” “much better,” “looser,” “sleepy,” “sore,” or so on…. Be honest.

10. Tip according. 20% gratuity is standard. And that is 20% of the full retail price. If you are taking advantage of a discount or special you should be paying gratuity on the FULL retail price.

To summarize:

1. No Massage Envy… Ever
2. Be clean
3. Be on time
4. Clearly state your problem areas
5. Get completely naked
6. Don’t uncover yourself
7. Communicate
8. Relax
9. Thank your therapist
10. Tip accordingly

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This entry was posted on March 18, 2014 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , .
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